I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
