i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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