dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
