he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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