i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
