you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
