Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
