the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
