I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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