I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
