now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
