I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
