similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
