I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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