Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
