I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
