I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
