I just cut my nipple shaving
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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