Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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