you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Your penis caused this!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
