He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
soo... how was my night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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