so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i already hear my dad disowning me
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
