I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
