And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
