Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
