I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I believe in your delicious
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
