I'm passing your future prison.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
