my soul wont recognize me after tonight
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
