I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
