no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I want her autograph on my taint
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
