i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
