It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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