so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
