this beer tastes like vomit already
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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