I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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