Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
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Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
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And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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