This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
