Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
