I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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