I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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