i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
