I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
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This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
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They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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