You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
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It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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