he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
