What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
