STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
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I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
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That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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