it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
