is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
