I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
