dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
