Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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