I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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