I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
