No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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