Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
