I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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