It's like God shit irony all over that family
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
