So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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