ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
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On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
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Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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