I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
