a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
