I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
