i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
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she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize