After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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