The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
