i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Randomize
