Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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