Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
