What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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